Breaking Free
by somethingsdont
Summary: EC, RV. It was a vicious cycle. Response to the Talk CSI Christmas challenge.


A/N: Written in response to the Christmas challenge over at Talk CSI. Elements used: ant-infested mistletoe, someone climbs something (not a ladder), a cranky elf, glitter glue, and crutches decorated with Christmas lights.

* * *

"You and Jake going to Valera's Christmas party next weekend?"

Eric was fishing. And when Eric fished, Calleigh knew. Or he was pretty sure she knew. At the very least, he knew that she knew that he…

He decided right then that he would stop over-analyzing everything. After all, he did enough of that on the clock. Sure, he was on the clock now, but nothing about the careful questions the two of them had been asking each other in the past few weeks constituted "on the clock," anyway. Besides, he couldn't remember a time when their relationship had ever been simple enough to analyze accurately, not without the accompanying headache.

And sometimes heartache, he reminded himself, but it was better not to think about that.

Calleigh looked up and a flicker of something flashed across her eyes. "Yeah, I'm going," she replied quickly, and her tone was dismissive.

Immediately, Eric's head snapped up, a billion and one scenarios playing through his head, even more replies prepared and unprepared for her words. He settled for silence, because he needed the time to slow his thoughts down to a pace his brain could follow and well, it was likely that he was just overreacting, searching for any bone she'd toss. Maybe she hadn't meant anything by it. Could've been completely innocent, right? Right?

_Right._

Because innocence defined this relationship.

Eric cleared his throat. "Jake can't make it?" He tried to sound uninterested but realized that it was very difficult to achieve when he felt quite the opposite.

Calleigh looked up again, and this time, her tone was filled with nothing other than admonition. "He doesn't really know Valera." _Stop_, her eyes added.

"He knows you," Eric replied immediately, apparently unable to heed her warning.

Eric watched as Calleigh's jaw clenched and unclenched. "That—" She looked up briefly, quickly looked down again when she realized that he was watching her. "That became irrelevant last week," she said quietly.

Eric was pretty sure that this time, her words meant exactly what he had understood them to mean. He opened his mouth but closed it again when he realized that he really didn't have anything appropriate to say.

"Eric, could you pass me the Z-Nose?" she asked, leaning in to smell some fabric. "There's a heavy odor of ammonia here but it isn't quite ammonia."

Eric placed the piece of evidence he had been examining down on the table. "Calleigh."

Calleigh sighed and looked up. "What do you want me to say?"

"Nothing, I just—" He frowned, still having a little trouble processing. "You wanna talk about it?"

She sighed again and put down the fabric she had been holding. "I wasn't fully invested in it," she began, "because I _knew_." She paused and looked up. "I thought that he had changed," she added with a short humorless laugh. "I wanted him to change so badly that I think I deluded myself into seeing change where there wasn't any."

Eric's gloved hand found Calleigh's and he gave her a gentle tug. She didn't protest, and even though they stood in the middle of the lab, she rested her head against his chest for a brief moment before pulling back.

"The Z-Nose," she repeated with a small smile.

Eric passed her the machine, cogs churning inside his head, butterflies fluttering in his stomach, heart palpating rapidly in his chest.

-/-/-

Valera's party was on December 22nd, which really wasn't Christmas, but there was some unwritten rule that stated that parties around Christmas, even if it wasn't exactly Christmas, were Christmas parties. So Calleigh was going to a Christmas party. She dressed appropriately – a modest cocktail dress – and remembered to bring Valera her present – a box of her favorite Belgian chocolates. Valera was one of the few lucky enough to have gotten a day off on Christmas, which was why Calleigh wouldn't be seeing her or be able to give her the gift that day.

An hour later, Calleigh found herself in front of Valera's door. She knocked. The door opened, but as Calleigh took a step forward, Valera slipped out and closed the door behind her.

There was panic in Valera's eyes. "Calleigh, oh, thank God you're here," she said, breathing a heavy sigh of relief. Even the box of chocolates Calleigh had in her hands did not erase the look of horror on Valera's face.

Calleigh tucked the chocolates under her armpit, knowing that now was not the time to wish Valera a merry Christmas. "Valera, breathe. What's going on?"

"Too many people showed up!" Valera exclaimed, as she began pacing around Calleigh. "I mean, I don't think they're all going to _fit._"

"What?"

Valera stopped pacing for a moment. "I only invited a few people from the lab, a couple of friends from outside work and told them to bring a friend," she said, voice oddly high-pitched. "Grandmothers are not part of that category!"

"There's a grandmother in there?" Calleigh asked, suddenly intrigued.

"No, not _literally_," Valera replied, rolling her eyes. "Focus, Calleigh. People! Too many!"

"Maxine," Calleigh said, trying quite unsuccessfully to calm Valera down. "How many people are in there?"

"I'm not sure. Forty, maybe?" Valera estimated. "Only eight of them were actually invited." She groaned. "This was supposed to be a small get-together. Fifteen people. If the rest show up with their three favorite aunts and their hairdresser… I can't fit eighty people in my apartment!" She paused, then her eyes widened. "Oh my God, I'm going to get kicked out. This will forever be known as the Christmas where I get kicked out of my apartment."

At that, Calleigh couldn't help but laugh.

Valera shot Calleigh an incredulous look. "My homelessness is no laughing matter!"

"Maybe everyone else will come alone like I did," Calleigh suggested.

"Hopefully," Valera replied nervously, then furrowed her brows. "Where's Jake? I thought he was supposed to come, too."

Calleigh bit her lip and chose her words carefully. "You won't be seeing much of him anymore."

Valera understood immediately. "Oh, Calleigh, I'm sorry. When?" she asked sympathetically.

"Two weeks ago, I guess." Calleigh half-shrugged. "I'm okay," she added.

Valera offered a small understanding smile and a quick nod. "You deserved better, anyway."

Calleigh cleared her throat, finding that her relationship or lack thereof was still a touchy topic and stirred up emotions that she did not want to deal with in that moment. "Are you going to let me in?" she asked, motioning toward the door.

"Yeah, but we have to kiss first," Valera replied matter-of-factly, like she was announcing the weather.

Calleigh stared at her, thinking she'd misheard. "Excuse me?"

Valera smiled, clearly enjoying catching people off guard. "I hung mistletoe in the foyer, which was cute until I realized that kissing takes up a lot of time when five people show up at the same time," she explained, pushing her door open.

Calleigh paused at the doorway and peered uncertainly at the mistletoe that hung on the ceiling. "I could walk in ahead of you," she suggested.

Valera rolled her eyes and leaned over to kiss Calleigh on the cheek, then enveloped her in a warm hug. "Merry Christmas, Calleigh."

Calleigh smiled. "Merry Christmas, Valera," she replied, pulling out the box of chocolates and handing it to Valera, who thanked her and gave her a second hug.

The two women entered Valera's apartment. Calleigh took a quick look around at what she could see and she judged that it wasn't as bad as Valera had made it out to be, though there were in fact a lot of people. Most had formed small groups and seemed to prefer light conversation over bringing about the destruction of Valera's property. There were a few drinks being passed around, but nobody seemed to be inebriated beyond recognition.

"This isn't _too_ bad," Calleigh commented.

Valera hid her chocolates behind a vase and groaned. "Says the person who_ doesn't_ have to feed the equivalent of Angola."

Suddenly, a tiny elf appeared as if from nowhere and ran into Valera's leg. It was, in fact, a small boy, probably no more than three years of age, wearing an elf costume, complete with attachable pointy ears. He was pouting.

"Who's this?" Calleigh asked.

"Oh, this little guy?" Valera replied, leaning over to pick up the boy, who did not seem to enjoy being picked up any more than he enjoyed being not picked up. "He's the reason I locked the liquor cabinet and the party's not crazy yet, isn't that right?" Valera turned to Calleigh. "My nephew, Daniel," she explained. "My brother dropped him off here earlier, apparently unaware that I had a party to prepare for." She rolled her eyes and turned to the squirming toddler. "Say hello to Calleigh, Danny."

"No," Daniel whined, sticking out his lower lip. "I wanna play Candy Land."

"Well, Aunt Maxie is busy. How about a movie instead?"

"No!" Daniel yelled, kicking his feet against Valera as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. "Candy Land! Candy Land!"

Sensing that Valera was on the verge of tears herself, Calleigh cut in. "I'll play Candy Land with you, Danny."

Daniel settled down immediately and looked at Calleigh. He sniffed and brought a hand up to his eyes to wipe them.

"You will?" Valera asked.

Calleigh nodded and smiled at Daniel. "Is that okay, Danny?"

Daniel seemed to study her for a moment, the way children do to gauge a person's trustworthiness. Finally, he nodded, the bell at the end of his cap jingling, and reached out toward Calleigh, who for a moment wasn't sure what to do but quickly, though a little clumsily, took Daniel into her arms.

The toddler grinned sweetly and Calleigh felt a maternal urge, very primal and raw. It shocked her.

Valera sighed in relief. "Thanks, Calleigh, I owe you one," she said, as she backed away to take care of a few guests who had begun prowling around the kitchen for a salsa refill.

Calleigh looked down at the little boy, suddenly a little self-conscious. Daniel shifted in her arms. "What's your name?" he asked, tugging at his plastic ears in irritation.

"Calleigh," she replied, reaching a hand up to help him remove the pointy ears.

"Oh." He paused, scratched his ears, the real ones. "My name's Danny," he supplied absentmindedly.

Calleigh couldn't help but smile at the boy's inattention. "Well, Danny, do you want to show me where Candy Land is?"

"Okay," he replied, squirming until Calleigh plopped him onto the ground. He raced away, a blur of green and red, and Calleigh found herself navigating around the same people that Daniel didn't seem to have any trouble avoiding, until finally, he stopped in front of the Christmas tree and sat down. Calleigh did the same, realizing that cocktail dresses and cross-legged sitting did not mesh, so she folded her legs awkwardly and took slight notice of the people whose attention she and the tiny boy-elf had garnered.

Daniel pulled the game box from behind the tree and opened it, then proceeded to set it up.

"I want the green gin'erbread man," he said, picking out the plastic pawn of his choice.

Calleigh took the red one and smiled. "Look, Danny, our gingerbread men match your clothes!" she said, waving the little plastic figure in front of his face.

Daniel giggled delightfully. "I like you," he proclaimed. He picked up the deck of cards and held it out. "You have to shuffle," he said seriously.

"Okay," Calleigh replied, taking the deck from him and shuffling it expertly, the cards making a crisp swishing sound as they slapped against each other.

"Whoa!" Daniel stared at Calleigh's hands in awe, his eyes wide, his lips forming an 'o' akin to those seen in cartoons or comic strips. "Can you show me?" he asked, sticking out his hands eagerly.

Calleigh cut the deck in two, placed each half in Daniel's tiny palms, then held them in her own hands and carefully showed him how to run his thumbs through the cards and merge the half-decks together. But Daniel's grip was too small, and on his first attempt, the cards flew into the air and fell around him, landing haphazardly across the floor. He appeared shocked for a moment, then broke out into a fit of laughter.

"Again! Again!"

Calleigh smiled and helped Daniel gather up the cards, and the two spent the next fifteen minutes trying to perfect his shuffling technique, until the young boy placed the deck down onto the board and readied his game piece at the starting position, his way of expressing that he had tired of the practice and was ready to play the real game.

Calleigh placed her own pawn next to his as he picked up a card and moved to the first yellow square.

-/-/-

Valera was feeling better about the whole overcrowding situation. She was fairly certain that she wasn't going to get kicked out of her apartment anymore, and she realized that she had stocked enough snacks to keep everyone satisfied. And his nephew, well, Calleigh seemed to be keeping the cranky toddler in check.

As she passed near the front door, she heard a knock. It wasn't so much a knock as a loud, repetitive pound. She approached the door and swung it open. Ryan stood on the other side, hair tousled, wearing a deep frown. More importantly, he was using a pair of crutches to hold himself up, and his left foot was shoeless and heavily bandaged.

Valera stood there for a moment, unsure what to make of the scene in front of her. "Ryan?"

"Hey, Valera," Ryan replied, looking down at the ground, an annoyed look across his face.

Valera bit her tongue, trying to process. "What happened?"

"Nothing," he mumbled, trying to hobble past her through the door.

But she stepped in front of him to stop him, searched for his eyes. He still refused to look at her.

"Ryan," she said softly, "hey, everything okay?"

"I'm in crutches," he pointed out.

Valera nodded. "I noticed that. You want to tell me what happened?"

"No," he sighed, "you want to let me in?"

"No," she replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Okay," he shrugged, taking an awkward step back and turning toward the stairs. He took an uneven step, then another.

"Ryan?" Valera frowned, and for a moment, she wasn't sure what to do, but it wasn't too difficult to catch up to a guy in crutches and a split second later, she found her hand on his right crutch and pulled, nearly sending him over. "Ryan," she repeated firmly.

"I fell," he snapped, snatching the crutch out of her grip. He sighed apologetically and lowered his voice. "I fell on my ass and sprained my ankle because I couldn't reach the top shelf at this little store and the only other person there was the clerk, who looked about two hundred years old. They didn't have any ladders so I improvised."

"Improvised."

"Yeah, there were these, uh, boxes just sitting there," he explained, "and I used one as a boost but it gave out under my weight, I guess, so my foot ended up inside a box full of dishware." He groaned. "Which was okay except that somewhere in there, my foot twisted around and I ended up paying a visit to the hospital to get these," he finished, motioning toward his crutches, and Valera detected embarrassment and frustration.

Valera made a sympathetic sound. "What were you doing there anyway?"

"I was—" He chuckled mirthlessly and looked away again. Pinning his crutch in place, he scratched his head. "There was this—" He looked up and sighed, reached into his pocket and pulled out a box. He held it out to her. "Merry Christmas," he mumbled.

The box wasn't wrapped and as she took it into her hands, Valera could see that it was a salt and pepper shaker set. She opened the box and took them out, discovering that one of the transparent shakers had a colorful double-helix wrapped around it and the other one had a similarly-colorful single-helix wrapped in the same manner. It was in the shape of a strand of DNA, the other in a strand of RNA.

Valera gawked at him, feeling a strange warmth in her chest. "You broke your leg getting this for me?"

"Sprained my ankle," he emphasized, "but yeah." He frowned. "Sorry about it not being wrapped. I—"

Valera interrupted him by pressing her lips to his, and it took Ryan a few moments to process what the hell was going on. He figured that some higher power must've had a pretty sick sense of humor, because damn, spraining his ankle was well worth this kiss. He was surprised though, when he felt her tongue along his lip, because he was pretty sure that she had meant it as a friendly gesture only. Ryan closed his eyes and tried to relax but Valera's free hand found its way to his butt and _that_ was driving him crazy. He unknowingly released one of his crutches to pull her closer, only realizing that he needed the support when a sharp pain ran up his leg and the crutch banged loudly against the wall.

Ryan pulled away, cringed and leaned on Valera. He inhaled sharply.

"Sorry," she breathed, her face an inch from his. Valera looked a little worried as she helped Ryan and his one remaining crutch regain balance. She crouched down to pick up his other crutch and handed it to him with a sheepish smile. "C'mon, let's get you inside."

"Wait, what—" Ryan cleared his throat. "What just happened?"

"We made out?" Valera suggested with a shrug. "Actually, I don't think that was long enough or heavy enough to be considered making out."

Ryan stared at her like she'd grown a second head. "You don't just… make out with someone and then invite them in for cider."

"Ryan, it's Christmas!" she exclaimed, though a little part of her protested, told her that it wasn't just Christmas, especially when she saw disappointment in his eyes. She brushed it aside. "You coming?" she asked, holding the door open for him.

Ryan awkwardly followed her in, trying desperately to push the events of the past five minutes to the back of his head. _It's just Christmas_, he repeated to himself. _Mistletoe. Tradition._

But he couldn't help but feel the burn on his lips where Valera had left a permanent mark.

-/-/-

Calleigh found that she was enjoying Candy Land, probably a lot more than a grown woman should. But Daniel was enthusiastic, and that kept Calleigh's spirits high.

Didn't last though.

From the corner of Calleigh's eye, she noticed a familiar figure at Valera's door, and he wasn't alone.

Calleigh did a double take. He wasn't alone. A woman – a very _attractive_ woman – entered beside him, and he was guiding her with his hand on her back. Instantly, Calleigh felt her entire body tighten, but quickly, she forced her muscles to relax again, worried that it would be obvious to others that she had noticed Eric and the mystery woman's entrance.

She couldn't tear her eyes away, even as Valera greeted them and they noticed the mistletoe hanging near the doorway. The woman appeared a little nervous, maybe even embarrassed, but Eric was his usual self, at ease in the face of tension, and he leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of the woman's lips.

Calleigh felt herself inhale sharply and looked away, trying to retain interest in the board game, but suddenly, she could barely breathe. She wasn't stupid, of course. She had felt the resurging range of emotions that tingled through her every time he stood a little too close, spoke words with distinct second meanings, sometimes third and fourth meanings, until her head spun with the amount of _meaning _that existed between them.

Then sometimes, often, his intentions were made clear and she had been the one to maintain distance, at times with small frequent protesting taps and at other times with a forceful shove, but either way, it appeared that she had done too good a job pushing him away. Though she had always wondered if this gap that she had created would ever come to something like this, it became pretty clear to her that he was done waiting. She should've expected as much, she thought to herself. Men like Eric Delko didn't have trouble getting dates, she knew, and in recent years, she'd watched him grow into someone who was ready for the next step, who no longer chuckled at the idea of a family like it was a thing of the distant future.

Because it was now.

It was now, and Calleigh had missed her chance. Damn, that was a hard pill to swallow, but she knew that she deserved as much after ignoring what they had for the better part of seven years. At one point, she was pretty sure her actions could be described as leading him on, but that implied that she was toying with him and she didn't like the sound of that. She wasn't toying, but she had been too afraid of losing Eric the Best Friend for Eric the Boyfriend. As it turned out, it seemed the former could've only been salvaged if she had went for the latter.

What she failed to realize was that Eric The Boyfriend would've turned into Eric The Husband, then later, when they were ready, Eric The Husband And Loving Dad.

"It's your turn, Calleigh."

Daniel's voice shook her from her thoughts. She absentmindedly drew a card and moved her pawn, then tried desperately not to allow her curiosity to force her to turn back and take another peek. A few turns later, Eric's voice came from directly behind her.

"Calleigh."

Calleigh turned around and looked up, tried to act surprised to see him there. She stood up and smiled pleasantly. "Eric, hey."

Eric turned toward the woman beside him. "This is Madeline," he introduced, looking back at Calleigh with a strange mixture of something indecipherable on his face.

Madeline extended a hand and smiled warmly. "Call me Maddie."

"Nice to meet you, Maddie," Calleigh said, shaking Madeline's hand. "I'm Calleigh. I work with Eric."

Madeline nodded. "Of course. It's nice to finally put a face to the name."

Calleigh smiled, but quickly found that she had little to say to the woman. She was busy making mental comparisons, and she hated being _that girl_, but Maddie had a natural beauty about her, and Calleigh wasn't surprised that she had caught Eric's attention.

"_Calleigh_," a stringent voice called out suddenly.

Calleigh looked down and saw Daniel sitting there impatiently, arms crossed over his chest.

"Your _turn_," he emphasized, pointing at the game board.

Calleigh chuckled and smiled apologetically at Eric and Maddie. "Sorry, I'd better—"

"Is that Candy Land?" Eric asked, kneeling down to Daniel's level.

"Yes," Daniel replied matter-of-factly. "This is my gin'erbread man," he added, pointing at the green pawn, "and that's Calleigh's gin'erbread man."

"Can I play?" Eric asked, much to Calleigh's surprise.

"Okay, but you gotta start _here_," Daniel explained, his stubby finger pressing against the image of the two blond-haired children depicted on the bottom-left corner of the game board.

"That's okay." Eric smiled. "Can I be the blue gingerbread man?"

Daniel nodded eagerly and handed Eric the blue pawn.

Eric placed the pawn on the board and turned to look at Maddie. "I'll catch up with you later, okay?"

Madeline nodded. "I see Sam," she said, leaning down to stroke Eric's cheek. "I'll find you," she added with a smile, and Calleigh had to look away, still feeling that _thing_ in her chest.

Calleigh hesitated before taking a seat next to Eric. He offered her a small smile and she found herself returning it, though she could barely think straight. She tried to pay attention to the game, and Daniel was animatedly yelling out instructions to his gingerbread man, which was an adorable sight, but her mind was focused elsewhere. She hoped that her actions and reactions weren't revealing too much, because Eric was acting completely oblivious to the tension that had settled between them.

Despite the late start, Eric's game piece reached Candy Castle first, promptly finishing the game. Daniel seemed upset by the outcome. He crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.

"Danny, wanna play again?" Eric asked.

"No!" he cried, storming off before either Calleigh or Eric could stop him.

Calleigh began to get up, but Eric placed a hand on her wrist to stop her. "I'll go," he offered.

She couldn't help but let her eyes flicker to her wrist. "You sure?"

"Yeah, go hang out with the adults," he teased.

Calleigh smiled and stood up. Eric did the same. "Hey, listen, Calleigh…"

"You'd better take care of Danny before he tears up Valera's room," she suggested, not liking the sound of the start of that sentence.

Eric sighed silently and gave her a look but finally nodded. "Yeah, okay," he replied, turning toward Valera's room.

Calleigh looked around the living room. She spotted Maddie chatting animatedly with Samantha. She liked Sam, really, but she couldn't help but feel an irrational irritation toward the lab tech. But she wasn't thinking about that, not now, not yet. She saw Ryan, too, but he seemed to be busy with Valera's other friends, who looked like they were insisting that they sign his bandages and decorate his crutches. She couldn't find anyone else she recognized. Natalia was out of state with family, Horatio was… wherever Horatio was. At work, probably. Alexx should be around, Calleigh thought, but she didn't see her or her family, so she wandered to the kitchen, where she found Valera pouring cupcake batter. Valera looked up at the sound.

"Hey," Valera greeted. "Where's Danny?"

Calleigh pointed a thumb over her shoulder. "Eric's taking care of him."

Valera nodded. "He's a pain in the ass, huh?"

"He's not too bad," Calleigh replied, as she picked up a paper towel and began wiping Valera's counter.

"I mean, I love him but he inherited my brother's stubbornness," Valera said, as she pushed preheat on her oven.

"He's what, three?"

"Just turned four."

"Four," Calleigh repeated. "So he has plenty of time to grow out of it."

Valera snorted. "My brother's thirty-five and still hasn't grown out of it." She spun around to face Calleigh and turned serious. "I think I made out with Ryan."

That got Calleigh's attention immediately, and she stopped wiping the counters. "You did what?"

Valera groaned and ran a hand over her face. "Don't make me repeat it, Calleigh."

Calleigh moved to dispose of the paper towel in the garbage bin, then approached Valera. "What do you mean, you _think_ you made out with him. Are you not sure?" she asked incredulously.

Valera slipped on a pair of mitts and slid a batch of batter into the oven. She leaned against the counter and sighed. "Well, there was tongue," she mused. "And butt-touching. I think I felt up his ass." Valera grimaced. "Not _up_ his ass - God, that's gross - but I'm pretty sure my hand was cupping his butt."

Calleigh pulled up a stool and took a seat. "Did he... respond?"

"He collapsed."

Calleigh furrowed her brows, unsure she had understood. "You were such a good kisser it made him weak in the knees?"

Valera shook her head. "No, I mean, he literally collapsed because his ankle's sprained."

"Oh, yeah, I saw his crutches," Calleigh noted. "What happened?"

Valera waved at the salt and pepper shakers that sat on her counter, mitts still covering her hands. "Those were on the top shelf at some boutique."

Calleigh stood up and moved closer to inspect the set. She picked up the double-helix-encased pepper shaker. "Aw, these are so cute."

"Yeah, well," Valera said, waving her arm dismissively, "Ryan nearly killed himself trying to get it."

"That's strangely romantic," Calleigh remarked.

"He's an idiot," Valera mumbled.

Calleigh cocked her head to the side. "Oh, come on, Valera. Weren't you even a little moved?"

"What do you think prompted the tongue and the butt-touching in the first place?" Valera asked, throwing her arms up into the air. The oven mitts looked ready to fly across the room.

Calleigh smiled knowingly. "I think that was prompted by something else entirely," she hinted.

Valera scowled and seemed to decide not to acknowledge Calleigh's comment.

"Talk to him," Calleigh urged.

"Yeah, maybe," Valera replied noncommittally. "So anyway, did you see Eric's friend, Maddie?"

Calleigh kept her eyes on the pepper shaker in her hands. "She seems nice," she commented carefully.

Valera approached her. "Don't give me that bullshit, Calleigh."

Calleigh looked up and sighed. "I'm not doing the jealousy thing, Maxine." She paused and fiddled with the pepper shaker in her hands. "Besides, it's just too soon after Jake."

"And when you're ready, it'll be too soon after Maddie for him," Valera pointed out. "Can we accept the vicious cycle and not fall into it?"

Calleigh sighed again, too fully aware of where this conversation was headed. "I think him showing up here today with her makes the whole thing pretty black and white," she said with a half-shrug, surprised to feel yet another twinge in her chest.

"I told everyone to bring a friend!" Valera exclaimed. "I'm sure he would've brought you if you didn't know me and weren't invited."

"I just..." Calleigh exhaled in frustration. "I don't know what I want anymore."

"I think you do," Valera replied confidently. She softened her voice. "Talk to him."

Calleigh smiled. "Funny how you changed the topic when I suggested you do the same with Ryan," she teased.

"I'm avoiding him because I had my tongue in his mouth," Valera replied pointedly. "Not a huge conversation starter, if you know what I mean. You're avoiding Eric because you're jealous of the new girl."

"I'm not," Calleigh protested.

"Trust me, she's not a threat," Valera added, turning to check her cupcakes.

"I'm not!" Calleigh sighed. "I'll talk to Eric if you talk to Ryan," she offered.

"Oh, God," Valera groaned, "we're like those irritating middle schoolers in their first experience with guys."

Calleigh smiled. "So you'll talk to him?"

"Yeah," Valera relented, "but ugh, you know I hate talking about_ feelings_ and shit like that."

"Me too, but we have to do it," Calleigh replied, hoping she sounded more confident than she actually felt. She needed to talk to someone more rational, if only so that they could convince her that her fears were justified. "Where's Alexx?"

"She couldn't make it," Valera replied, opening her oven door and jabbing one of the cupcakes with a toothpick. "Her son has the chicken pox."

"Oh, that's terrible." Calleigh made a mental note to send Alexx's young son a get well soon card. She paused, watching as Valera jammed the same toothpick into a few more cupcakes. "I'm going to go see how Danny's doing."

Valera turned and arched an eyebrow.

"Don't, Maxine," Calleigh warned.

Valera shrugged. "Want a cupcake to go?" she asked, holding up the clean toothpick.

"Yeah, sure," she nodded, "I'll bring one for Danny."

Valera pulled out the tray and removed her gloves. Carefully, she picked out the nicest-looking cupcake and hastily whipped some icing onto it.

"Please tell me you're going to help me clean up after," Valera half-asked, half-pleaded, as she handed Calleigh the cupcake.

"Of course," Calleigh replied.

"Thank you! May your Christmas be filled with lots and lots of porn."

Calleigh laughed. "See you later, Valera," she called out over her shoulder.

Calleigh approached Valera's bedroom and peered inside. Daniel and Eric were sprawled out across the floor, a stack of paper and various art supplies tossed haphazardly around them. She watched them for a moment, as Eric patiently guided Daniel's tiny hand across the paper. She couldn't help but smile. Eric's back was to the door, but eventually, Daniel noticed her presence and jumped up.

"Calleigh!" He picked up the sheet of paper in front of him and raced to her side.

Eric turned his head and when he saw her standing there, he sat up but didn't say anything.

Calleigh smiled at Daniel. "What are you guys doing?"

"Coloring!" Daniel replied excitedly, holding up the picture he had been working on. "Look, Eric showed me how to draw a racecar!"

"That's great, Danny." Calleigh held out the cupcake. "Your Aunt Maxie wanted you to have this cupcake."

Daniel grinned and grabbed the cupcake from Calleigh's hands. "I'm so, so, so hungry," he groaned exaggeratedly, before stuffing half of it into his mouth, getting icing all over his mouth and nose.

"Can you go say thank you to Aunt Maxie?" Calleigh asked politely. "She's in the kitchen."

"Okay," Daniel mumbled through a mouthful of cupcake. Quickly, he wandered off.

Eric was standing up by the time Calleigh had finished talking to Daniel. He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked at her a little nervously.

"Need some help?" Calleigh offered. "I could take over for a bit. I know you didn't sign up to be a babysitter."

He smiled slightly and took a few steps toward her. "Neither did you," he remarked.

"You came with someone," she blurted out, and she was surprised to find her own tone accusatory. She knew that she had no right to be or feel that way, and she hadn't meant for it to come out quite like that, but it did. She swallowed and avoided his eyes. "What I mean to say is, since you came with someone, you should probably go keep her company," she backtracked lamely.

Eric shifted his weight uncomfortably and appeared to want to say something in response to what she had let slip out but stopped himself, finally deciding to go along with it. "She and Sam probably have a lot to catch up on. They shared a dorm in college or something."

Calleigh nodded. "So she's young," she commented, rather bitterly. She mentally slapped herself and wondered what the hell was going on with her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that," she added quietly.

Eric frowned. "Calleigh…"

"So, you or me?" she asked, finally looking up. "To keep Danny company," she clarified.

"I'll do it," he replied. Calleigh looked skeptical so he chuckled and added, "Really, I don't mind."

She smiled. "Let me guess, you just wanna play with his Superman action figure."

"Only 'cause the crest on his chest glows in the dark," he shot back jocosely.

Calleigh's smile widened. "Oh, Eric."

"Don't look at me like that," he said defensively. "I had three sisters, alright? My G.I. Joes wore makeup."

Calleigh laughed. "You sure you're not projecting there?"

"Hey, I still go to therapy for that," he deadpanned.

Calleigh suddenly felt the immense urge to hug him. She missed it, the light banter. There were moments, still, when they teased and kidded, but the frequency of the events was a shadow of its former self. And even when they joked, there was always that _thing_ that hung in the back of her mind. She was sure it was in the back of his, too, and she hated it. She needed resolution. At the same time, she was terrified of resolution. Valera was right. Vicious circle.

Just as the tension threatened to return, Danny, still clad in his elf costume, popped back. Valera had apparently cleaned him up, because there was no longer any icing smeared on his face.

"I wanna keep drawing," he declared, looking up at the two adults.

"Okay, let's keep doing that," Eric replied, guiding Daniel back to the artwork they had abandoned. He turned to Calleigh for a moment. "Go. I'll be fine," he reassured.

Calleigh nodded and left the two there. She searched for a group she could integrate into, looking for anything that would help keep her mind off the huge question mark that was her and Eric's relationship.

As Calleigh browsed around, Sam called out to her and Calleigh soon found herself in a conversation with Maddie. To her displeasure, Calleigh discovered that Maddie really was a very likeable person. She was bright and carried with her a quick wit. Calleigh found herself laughing at her jokes and enjoying her presence, which set off alarm bells in her head, because if she could enjoy Maddie's company this much, couldn't Eric? Maddie had enough flaws to be approachable, but not enough to be messed up, and that was precisely the problem.

Another thing Calleigh received, much to her dismay, was confirmation that Maddie was interested. In _him_. Either Calleigh was extremely good at hiding the fact that her stomach had dropped to her feet, or Maddie was just bad at noticing such things, because the latter rambled on about how they'd met and what she loved about him. Calleigh sat there, only catching half of the things Maddie said, but it was enough. At the same time, a million thoughts and a handful of regrets ran through her head like a montage.

Time passed quickly, and though she remembered very little of it after Maddie started about Eric, eventually, people began heading home. At about half-past one, Valera's apartment had pretty much cleared out. Since drinking had been kept to a minimum to keep the unexpectedly large party under control, everyone was able to make it out the door without assistance.

Eric had managed to put Daniel to sleep, though Calleigh couldn't remember when, only that Maddie left soon thereafter and Eric had walked her out.

And now, not including Daniel, only four remained: Valera, because she was the host, Ryan, because he was a cripple, Calleigh, because she had promised the host that she'd help clean up, and Eric, because… well, Calleigh figured that he hung around because he had nothing better to do.

Ryan wasn't being particularly chatty, probably because the bandage that surrounded his ankle was now decorated in pink and purple hearts and his crutches were tangled inside a string of Christmas lights, with the odd candy cane hanging off the side.

Valera was sprawled out across the couch, looking beyond exhausted.

Which left Eric and Calleigh to fill the silence. That wasn't working so well. It wasn't awkward, but it was difficult to carry on a conversation when both parties were so preoccupied with their own thoughts.

Suddenly, a sleepy Daniel, wearing pajamas now but still sporting the elf cap, wandered out of the guest bedroom and lazily climbed onto the couch and cuddled up to Valera, who didn't make much of an acknowledgement.

"I thought you were asleep, Danny," Eric commented.

Daniel shook his head and yawned. "Don't wanna," he whined.

Calleigh stood up and walked over, unable to bear doing _nothing_ anymore. "Come on, Danny, I'll keep you company for a while, okay?"

Daniel didn't move but didn't protest either when Calleigh leaned over to pick him up. Immediately, he lay his head on Calleigh's shoulder and closed his eyes, his thumb going straight into his mouth.

Calleigh carried him back to the bedroom, but as she was about to place him on the bed, he perked up and struggled out of her arms.

"Wait!" he shouted, suddenly excited. "I made a picture for you." He scurried over to night table and picked up a sheet of paper. "See," he said proudly, holding it up to show Calleigh, "This is you and this is me," he explained, pointing at two stick figures, "and this is your Christmas present."

Calleigh laughed. It was a racecar, and above it, the words _Mary Christmas_ written using glitter glue. The word _Mary_ was in messy printing and the word _Christmas_ was written in a handwriting that she recognized as Eric's.

"I love it," she said. She leaned down to kiss his forehead. "Thank you, Danny."

Daniel grinned proudly, then crawled under the covers. He lay there for a moment before popping back up to a sitting position. He looked at Calleigh with wide, serious eyes.

"Don't tell Eric, but I'm a'scared of the dark," he whispered.

Calleigh sat down on the edge of the bed. "I'll keep the light on for you, okay?"

Daniel lay down again but his tiny fist grabbed Calleigh's wrist.

Calleigh smiled. "Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep, Danny?"

He nodded, and Calleigh saw that he was already having trouble keeping his eyes open. She watched as the tiny body found a comfortable sleeping position, and she felt his grip loosen. Minutes later, soft snores filled the room and Calleigh removed Daniel's elf cap, ran a quick hand through the messy light brown wisps of hair that appeared and gently tucked him in, being extra careful not to wake him, though it seemed unlikely that anything could've done so in that moment.

She stood up and backed away from the bed slowly, a small smile spreading across her face. It was a nice sight, she decided, as she carefully pictured tucking in a little boy every night. There was someone else in her picture. Someone else…

Calleigh's hand found the light switch and she turned to the doorway, only then noticing Eric's presence. He was so close that she nearly jumped.

"Eric. How long have you been standing there?" she asked, startled and a little self-conscious that she'd been caught by _him_. It shouldn't have been strange, but it was, and she was too proud to admit that it had a little to do with what she wanted and apparently could no longer have with him.

Choosing not to answer her question, Eric smiled and motioned toward Daniel. "He's a cute kid," he said. "A little cantankerous, but nothing Aunt Calleigh can't handle, right?" he teased.

"I think Uncle Eric did a pretty good job, too," she returned with a smile.

Eric studied her for a moment. "You're gonna make a great mom someday," he remarked softly. "You know, if you—"

"Yeah, someday," she agreed, cursing the flood of warmth that immediately flowed through her body. "When I find the right guy," she emphasized. She looked up for a moment and saw the same reaction she had felt a few weeks prior reflected in his expression.

He recovered quickly. "You wanna get out of here?"

"I promised Valera I'd help her clean up," she replied, taking a brief look past him.

"We'll come back," he replied.

She was reluctant but finally nodded. "Okay."

Calleigh followed Eric to the living room, where neither Valera nor Ryan had moved.

"We're leaving for a little while," Eric announced.

"We'll be back," Calleigh added, though a little unnecessarily.

Valera craned her neck enough to give them one look. "Alright, don't be gone too long," she said. "Good luck."

From the corner of her eye, she watched as Calleigh quickly slipped past the mistletoe a clear five feet in front of Eric, who followed and closed the door behind him. As soon as the silence returned, Valera was reminded of the pact she had made with Calleigh earlier, and from the looks of it, Calleigh was doing her part, which meant that Valera had to do hers.

She sat up. Ryan seemed content staring at a couple of used plastic cups on the coffee table.

She stood up. Ryan's gaze did not wavered.

She walked over and sat down on the coffee table, directly in front of him. Even that didn't do anything to Ryan. He kept staring in the same direction, except now it looked like he was checking out her breasts.

"Ryan."

Finally, he snapped out of it. He looked surprised to see her sitting there. "Hey," he replied.

She smiled a little. "How's your leg?"

"Alright," he replied absentmindedly.

She pointed at his colorful bandages and his decorated crutches. "I'm sorry my friends…"

"Nah," he said, cutting her off, "I like them. Your friends, I mean."

Valera watched him for a moment, but he didn't seem to be fully there. She placed her hand on his knee to catch his attention. "Look, what happened before was—"

"Valera, it's okay." He shrugged. "Like you said, it's Christmas."

She was quiet again. It was strange, the way his flippant behavior was hurting her more than it was irritating her. She went for something safe. "I didn't get you anything."

"That's okay."

"No, it's not," she replied. "You broke your leg!"

"Sprained my ankle."

"Whatever. You got hurt." She paused. "You got hurt because of me."

"I got hurt because I'm a klutz," he corrected.

"Ryan, will you just let me feel guilty for one moment!"

He grinned, seeming to pay a little more attention now. "Sorry."

She looked down. "I should've gotten you something."

"Valera, stop it." He shifted in his seat. "You like the shakers?"

She nodded. "Of course."

"Then it's okay. Sprains heal," he dismissed. He reached for his crutches. "I should probably go. It's getting late and I gotta call a cab."

Valera stood up, which prevented him from doing the same. "Wait, I think—" She sat back down, not liking how she hovered over him. "Ryan," she sighed, "we should talk about this."

"Valera, if it's just your conscience speaking, really, I'm fine. I don't need to talk about it," he replied, carefully standing up despite not having reached his crutches.

"Ryan, sit _down_." She gave him a push and he fell back onto the seat. "Fuck," she muttered under her breath, as she leaned forward and pinned his arms against the armrests, then moved to straddle his lap.

Ryan was shocked into paralysis and did nothing as she leaned down to touch her lips to his, tentatively at first, until she felt his arms relax underneath her palms. She kept him pinned there and looked straight at him.

"Does this mean," he croaked, "that this isn't—" He trailed off and swallowed. "This wasn't _just Christmas_."

"You're such an idiot," she mumbled, leaning down to kiss him again.

-/-/-

Eric and Calleigh had found their way to a nearby park and now sat on a pair of swings.

"I like your dress," he said, looking over at her.

She smiled. "Thanks, I'll let you borrow it next week," she teased.

He chuckled lightly. He looked at her again and his voice softened. "No, I mean, you look really beautiful."

Calleigh tried to thank him, but she suddenly didn't seem to have full command of her vocal chords, so she said nothing at all. She felt a deep flush creeping up her cheeks and was very glad for the relative darkness and the distance that the swings provided.

Eric was the first to speak again. "About Maddie…"

"She's nice," Calleigh commented, feeling it in her gut. "Very pretty, too."

"Yeah," he nodded. "Look, we met at the pool and—"

"I know."

"We're not together," he added.

"I _know_," she repeated sharply.

Eric sighed, and Calleigh sensed frustration there. He kicked at the sand with his feet. "It started out because—"

"The butterfly," she interrupted. "It started out because your favorite stroke is the butterfly."

Eric shot her a look of confusion. "Yeah, how did you—"

"She told me. She said she'd always had trouble with it, but after seeing how graceful you looked, she wanted to learn, wanted you to coach her." Her voice was quiet, too quiet and too revealing, and she knew that she must've sounded all types of pathetic.

"Calleigh." He took a deep breath. "We were swimming, earlier, before the party, you know, messing around." He chuckled nervously. "Not _messing_ around. Just—" He paused, struggled with his words. "I was teaching her, and it came up that she knew Samantha, you know, from AV, so I invited her."

Calleigh bit her lip. "You don't have to explain."

"Valera said to bring a friend," he added.

"Really, Eric, it's okay," she replied sharply.

The two sat there for what felt like ages, swinging but not really swinging, until Calleigh broke the silence.

"She really likes you," she said, turning to gauge his reaction.

He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

"You like her, too." She tried hard to make it come out like a statement, not a question, but she couldn't tell if she was successful.

He shook his head immediately. "Nah, not like that."

"I saw you guys come in," she said, her words tinged with poorly-hidden jealousy.

He looked surprised. "Oh, the stupid mistletoe that Valera planted there?" he asked. "That wasn't—"

"You should go for it," she said, unsure why but hating herself for having done so.

He frowned. "Calleigh, I'm not interested in her."

"You kissed her," she blurted out.

"Yeah," he replied coolly, "and you kissed me."

Her eyes shot up. "That was—"

"Different?" he asked, almost sneering. "Why?"

Touché. Calleigh bit her lip. She didn't have a comeback for that one, couldn't think of a single thing to say in response, so she kept quiet and allowed their combined thoughts to fill the air around them.

Suddenly, he stood up. "I got you something," he said, reaching into his jacket pocket to extract a small wrapped box.

Calleigh stood, too, and walked over to him. "Oh, I didn't bring your gift. I just figured we'd see each other again on Christmas. You're going to be around the lab on the twenty-fifth, right?"

"Yeah," he laughed, "Santa doesn't stop crime." He smiled and held out the box. "I just wanted to give you this early."

She took the box from him and carefully peeled apart the wrapping paper. Her heart was pounding, and she wasn't sure why. Finally ridding the box of all its wrapping, she snapped it open.

In the darkness, she had to squint, but it was a sterling silver necklace with a small pendent. Upon closer inspection, Calleigh saw that the pendent was a carefully shaped sprig of mistletoe, upon which rested an even tinier ant fashioned out of emerald. She ran her fingers over the pendent, feeling the texture underneath her fingertips.

"Eric…"

"The ant is 'cause—"

"I know," she breathed. She looked up at him, then back down at the necklace. "Eric," she repeated, not coming any closer to forming a coherent sentence.

He smiled. "Merry Christmas."

"It's beautiful."

He took it carefully from her and held it up so that the chain hung loosely from his fingertips. "May I…?"

Calleigh turned around and swept her blond hair over her shoulders, held them there as Eric stood behind her, circled his arms around her tiny frame and gently placed the jewelry against her neckline. The cool metal making contact with her skin caused her to shiver, and when Eric's hand brushed against her shoulders and came to rest on nape of her neck to close the clasp, her breath caught in her throat. She turned her head slightly to look at him, and she saw it in his eyes, the same look of hidden longing that she knew he could see in hers. She recognized by the way his breathing became irregular that he was fully aware of how intimate this had become, too, of how _unavoidable_ intimacy had become between the two of them.

Eric's fingertips lingered on her skin for a moment longer than necessary, then trailed down to rest on her hips. She didn't protest, released her hair again and closed her eyes to revel in the feeling, as he gently spun her around to face him. His hands stayed attached to her hips.

"I don't want Maddie," he murmured definitively.

Calleigh kept her eyes closed and breathed a loud sigh. "When I saw you with her tonight, I thought…" She trailed off, swallowed hard. "That's not fair, though, is it?" She laughed, almost bitterly, but it was quiet, sad. She played absentmindedly with the pendant at her neck.

He wasn't sure what she meant by that, but the wistful way she delivered the question broke his heart.

"Calleigh…"

She opened her eyes, tears threatening to fall. She felt overwhelmed, suddenly, and the rush of emotion caught her by surprise. She looked up at him and saw him mere inches away, felt his breath gentle and even on her face,_ smelled_ him, and it was so intoxicating. She leaned in and pulled him into her embrace, felt his arms wrap around her torso in response, felt his chin come to rest on the top of her head, and she marveled at how incredible it felt to stand there, to hold him and to be held by him.

"I knew you'd take it the wrong way and I still brought her," he mumbled into her hair. "I'm sorry."

Calleigh held him tighter. "Don't you dare apologize, Eric."

He chuckled. "Okay."

She pulled back slightly and looked up at him. "I saw you today, with Danny. I'm not trying to scare you away, but I—" She trailed off and began doodling on his shirt. "I want this. N—not necessarily_ that_ this, but just… _this _this." She sighed in frustration. "I don't know what I'm saying."

Eric looked at her for a long time before leaning over and brushing his lips across her forehead. "I want this, too," he finally replied. "Both_ this_ this and _that_ this," he added with a teasing smile.

Calleigh laughed and swatted him lightly across the chest. She turned serious. "We're gonna make this work," she said softly, and there was no room for debate there. She believed it.

"We are," he agreed. He kissed her forehead again and smiled. "We'd better head back."

"Yeah," she nodded, then stopped. "Wait."

She pulled him to her, with a little more desperation than either had anticipated. Her lips found his and she kissed him, gently but still fervently, and he returned with the same mix of eagerness and pent-up emotion. Her tongue found an opening and she pushed in, tasting lip and tongue and a little bit of cupcakes. She moaned and her hands wandered to the back of his neck, pulled him impossibly close. His hands were more tentative but eventually gave in to the temptation of her curves and roamed.

She pulled away first, out of breath but satisfied.

He smiled, trying to catch his own breath. "I could file a sexual harassment suit against you, you know," he said, kissing the tip of her nose.

She ignored him. "You taste like cupcakes," she whispered coyly.

He laughed. "You taste like heaven."

Calleigh made a face. "I think that is the cheesiest thing a guy has ever said to me."

Eric chuckled. "Better get used to it," he said, "'cause you're gonna be putting up with it for a long time."

"A long time," she echoed, liking the sound of that. She smiled. "A long time."


End file.
